“Coffee with Companions” is an original series by MAKKER that captures personal stories shared over a cup of coffee. Today, we brew a dark roast, black and get a glimpse into a couple's journey through IVF...
This is Lekha, our IVF miracle. It took us four years to finally meet her. Looking back on it now, it’s easy to say that it was worth it, and that things happened the way they were supposed to. But, in reality, going through IVF was a heartbreaking process and the hardest thing we’ve been through in our marriage.
We tried to have a baby for two years but were unsuccessful and then tried IVF. The first IVF cycle failed. I was devastated and too traumatized to try again. IVF is so difficult for a number of reasons. It’s crazy expensive – it’s basically a mortgage payment. You’re constantly battling with all these emotions and hormonal changes. You’re exhausted and unreasonably angry – specially at couples who get pregnant when they aren’t even trying. It’s not as though you’re angry at them – it’s more of an internal struggle – you’re upset that this is how the world works.
My husband finally convinced me that we should give IVF a second chance. He reminded me that he pursued me for five years and that people don’t always get the things they want the first time around. Thankfully, our second cycle did end up working! That said, it was still incredibly scary and you’re constantly worried about something going wrong.
I’ve found that connecting with other people who have gone through it is extremely helpful. There’s a network of people – all around the world – who understand you and you don’t feel judged by because you’re all struggling together. These are people you don’t know, are of different ages, live in different places, and perhaps you’d never meet them in the real world – but you share this overarching important thing. You want to have a baby, you’re struggling and there’s this whole web of emotions that comes with it.
I find that IVF and fertility struggles aren’t really talked about publicly, which is why I try to help individuals going through IVF now. It’s probably the hardest thing you’ll ever go through – but if you keep faith in yourself and the process, it’ll be worth it in the end. Like my husband says, you need to have faith that things will eventually work out the way you want them to.